Change of server

Circumstances have necessitated a move from my hosting provider to my home server.

If any of you have the misfortune to use Shieldhost as a provider, I suggest you move away quickly. I’ve been trying to contact their technical support team for some time now and get someone telling me that they’ve forwarded the message to another department and then nothing.

Multiple follow-ups later, there is no response.

Nothing from the sales department. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

So, I’m taking my $5.99 a month and doing something constructive with it.


Cut loose and drifting

First the big news….

Today is my last day with Scalix. I take a week’s holiday and then start with Cloudmark, an anti-spam vendor based in San Francisco.

The US has different types of visa for different types of person. The most common, for getting to the US quickly, are the L1 and H1 visas.With Scalix, I got a L1 visa. It’s an intra-company transfer that requires me to have worked for the company in my home country for at least a year. However, it’s tied to the continued operation of the company which is why my future here was a lot less certain earlier this year.

Cloudmark paid for my application for a H1 visa. It’s not tied to a specific company but I do have to have a company to work for. It doesn’t grant permanent residency and lasts for up to 5 years. After that, I either have to go home or apply for the green card.

Because of the “flexibility” it offers, the number of H1 visas issued each year is capped. This year it was capped at around 65,000.

H1 visas do not come into force until October 1st of each year but applications are received 6 months prior to that. This means there’s a complete melee as companies get their applications in as soon as this window opens. Reports suggest that there were 133,000 individual applications for the H1 visa this year.

When the applications exceed the cap, a random draw is made. Luckily I was one of those picked.

It did mean, however, that I needed to wait out the time until October 1st. With the events that transpired earlier this year, it was touch and go whether we’d need to move back to the UK for a short period and come back again. This, in itself, has logistical problems: What do we do with the house here, where do we stay in the UK for a couple of months, can I work in the UK for Cloudmark, etc. etc.

As it turned out, Scalix was able to continue operating during the transition with Xandros so that I could stay here until my time came.

Now it’s here and I’m ready to face new challenges. I’m sorry to leave, it’s difficult to turn away from something that’s consumed your life for a large number of years ( since 1996 ).

In other news, the girls went back to school for another year. It’s all old hat to them now. We have a 2nd grader and a 4th grader.

4th grade is a lot harder than 3rd grade was. We butted heads a little with the new teacher because she insisted on sending pink slips home with Rachel for some reason or another. This is usually a warning and Rachel has to sit out playtime (recess). Rachel brought home a pink slip each night for the first 2 weeks. Some of these warnings are because we forgot to sign the pink slip from the previous night.

Sam spoke to the teacher and the school’s take on this is that the child is responsible for everything that they are supposed to get signed etc.¬† The teacher explained that this is the reason why we need to go to the “Back To School” night so that we can understand how this all works.

It was at this point that Sam explained that maybe the “Back To School” night happened *before* the kids go back to school and not 2 weeks after the fact like it is at the moment. It would mean that we wouldn’t be going through the issues we are.

It turns out that we are not the only parents who have the same concern so hopefully we can do something about the misconception that we’re all born with the knowledge of how every school works.

My cousin came to stay with us for a couple of weeks. We said goodbye to her last week after taking her to all the tourist traps we could remember. This time was the first time that I *didn’t* go on the cable cars or Alcatraz but it *was* the first time that I drove down Lombard Street ( the famous zig zag street ). It’s a one-way street and there are queues of cars waiting to go down there. Once you are embedded in the queue, there’s no escape but down and you have to hope that your brakes are good enough. It’s also the case that tourists want to take photos. My cousin leapt out of the car before we descended but failed to establish a meeting place after she finished her photo session. This meant that I had to circle the block and keep going down Lombard Street until we made eye contact and she could leap back into the car.

We did the usual Pier 39 but we ate at the Bubba Gump shrimp restaurant. If you go there, order the 2-pound bucket of shrimp in garlic butter. Drooolll !!!!

I was able to introduce her to Jagermeister shots. She’s definitely my drinking buddy ūüôā


Disney day 2

Sunrise saw us forsake the make-your-own waffles and head to the air-conditioned comfort ( and space ) of the local IHOP.

The Disneyland Resort ( as it’s know officially ) is made up of 2 theme parks separated by a central plaza. They build the Disney California Adventure Park some time in the late 1990s and is a “celebration” of California. This was more of a movie-themed park and allowed the Pixar characters to have their own section without tainting the Disney product.

This was a little more subdued then Disneyland itself. They have a boardwalk which contains a large Ferris wheel and incredibly fast roller coaster. Joanna likes Ferris wheels and Sam doesn’t so I played the role of “brave dad” for this one.

The wheel is, according to wikipedia, 48.8 metres in diameter and has 2 types of gondola. Those with a fixed axle and those which run on a small oval rail. The ones on the oval rail slide down as the wheel goes around. We chose the fixed axle.

Sam watched us from the ground as we started to move up into the air. Like I said, I’m not good with heights and it was about 20 feet up that I realised that I wasn’t comfortable being up with the gods. Joanna came to the same realisation so we held each other’s hand for comfort. Rachel didn’t have the same concern and she couldn’t make her mind up which seat she wanted to sit in so I had to, firmly and loudly, instruct her to pick one and sit down. I was concentrating on the horizon but Rachel wanted us to look down at the ground to see how high we were. Again, a firm and loud response was issued thanking her kindly for her offer but Daddy was fine looking into the distance.

We reached the zenith and began our slow descent and I relaxed. This allowed Joanna to release herself from the vice-like grip she’d been held in and wipe her sweaty palm.

As we got to the bottom of the ride again, I prepared myself to disembark from the gondola only to discover that the ride didn’t stop until we’d completed two revolutions. So, back up we went, eyes on the horizon, hands clamped together.

This time, it wasn’t as bad. The adrenaline levels were acceptable and we finished the ride in a state of semi-peace, much relieved to have reached terra firma unscathed.

We headed to the Pixar “It’s a Bug’s Land” section of the park where we got to play on Heimlich’s Chew Chew train and Flik’s Flyers.

We caught the Pixar Block Party Bash where we got to see a number of the characters and Rachel and Joanna were plucked from the audience to dance to the music.

When the party dispersed, we went into the Hollywood Pictures Backlot section. This was the highlight for me as we got to see the Muppet*Vision 3D show. The place was decked out like the Muppet Theatre and Waldorf and Statler were animatronics sitting in their box and heckling.

I still like the Muppets. You speak to kids today and they don’t know what a Muppet is but us grown-up kids remember. My favourite is Beaker and he was there as Muppet Labs showed off their 3D technology.

We had a quick go on the Monsters, Inc. ride and then retired to the hotel for swimming and food.

We returned in the evening again but this time we watched the Electrical Parade which is a series of floats covered in fairy lights. When that finished, we went straight back into Disneyland to see the fireworks again. For our evening rides we chose the Astro Orbiters, which is the Tomorrowland equivalent of the Dumbo ride, and the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters.

The Orbiters are higher and faster than Dumbo and, this time, Rachel was the pilot with me. Because of speed and height issues, I had to explain to Rachel that we didn’t need to take the rocket any higher than it already was. The horizon is a wonderful place to be looking in situations like that.

The denoument was the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters. To be honest, I don’t know why we didn’t go on them earlier. It was great. You get into a little car on a track taking you around an ultraviolet landscape and you have to shoot all the aliens with a laser gun connected to your car. Not only that but you have a lever that can spin the car around in case you missed shooting an alien behind you. I could have spent weeks in that one ūüôĀ

And so ended our Disneyland visit.


Matthew, Mark, Luke and Walt

Last weekend, I found religion.

It must have been a church because we, and a large number of others, gathered in one place to worship an icon and, raising our heads to the heavens, with one voice, prayed “Dear God ! Can this line get any longer ?”

Yes, we went to Disneyland ūüôā Sam and I went there on our honeymoon 13 years ago so it was nice to see if we even remembered what we did all that time ago.

I asked the girls what their favourite part of their Disneyland trip was and they couldn’t make their minds up between playing in the hotel pool or the toy they got in their McDonald’s MacHappy MacMeal on the journey home.

This was a last minute decision to go because the girls were going back to school the following week so we wanted them to have something to talk about when they met up with their friends again.

So, 6:30am on Saturday (I know ! I didn’t think there was such a time either) we piled into the car and drove the 400 miles down to Anaheim. Sam made the courageous decision to share some of the driving with me so she took the first 2 and a half hours to get us out of the Bay Area and on to I-5 and a great job she did of it too.
I-5 has to be one of the world’s most depressing roads. It doesn’t end. There are no discernible features aside from the service stations dotted every 30 miles or so.

The girls were fantastic considering the journey was so long. The “Are we there yet ?” silence was broken after 29 miles into the trip. We had to explain that it was going to take us a good few hours before we would get there so it was probably best not to keep repeating the question.

It took us about 8 hours to get down there but we probably had one and a half hours’ worth of breaks in between. Driving through the greater Los Angeles area was a crawl. There was a lot of construction work going on which added to the time unnecessarily.

We planned a 5-day holiday where the first day would be travelling and relaxing at the hotel, the following two days would be spent with the Disney Corporation and the fourth day would be a free-for-all where we’d see what we wanted to do. The fifth day was travelling home again.

Our hotel was on the same street as the entrance to the Disneyland Resort. Unfortunately, this meant we had to disappoint the girls as we drove straight past Disneyland to get to the hotel.

“See that magical, wonderful, fun-filled place over there girls ?”.

“Yes ! It’s Disneyland ! Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy !!!’

“Well, we’re not going there. We’re going to the hotel”.

We checked into the hotel and took our keycards to the door of our room only to find that the little green light would come on but the door wouldn’t open. I went back into reception ( within about 3 minutes of checking in ) and the first question I got from the receptionist was “Were you looking to check in ?”. It turned out that you’re supposed to *lift* the handle unlike every other door in the civilised world.

Our room was a “Kids Suite” which meant that the girls had their own room with a bunk bed, bathroom and, most important, TV. Sadly, the shower was weaker than a weak thing. I’ve noticed, over the years, that the strength of hotel showers has deteriorated.

Being on holiday, we had to eat out every night. The regular restaurants were still around: Outback Steak House, Red Robin etc. as is the de-facto kid’s menu: Corn Dog, Mac’N’Cheese, Burgers, Grilled Cheese Sandwich. I won’t go off on another rant about this but someone must be able to show some imagination and innovation and I don’t just mean branding the Grilled Cheese Sandwich as a Cheese Quesidilla. I’ve a good mind to write a letter to Jamie Oliver.

A good night’s sleep saw our first Disney day arrive. There was a melee in the breakfast area which had no air conditioning but the best part was a make-your-own-waffles grill so I had fun there.

According to the brochure, the hotel is only a couple of blocks from the entrance so I made the excutive decision that we were going to walk there. The sidewalks are big and other families were doing it. Four blocks later, we got to the entrance.

Our Disney indoctrination began with piped music playing throughout the entrance plaza. This music didn’t stop for the hours ( and hours ) that we stayed in the park.

We shuffled through the entrance gates to be greeted by a brass band and Alison Wonderland and The Mad Hatter dancing around. Alison seemed to be changing Disney characters because, every so often, she was Grumpy. She didn’t like the fact that people wanted to take pictures of her. “We’re doing a show !” she snapped. Someone needs to remind her that this is the Happiest Place On Earth ™.

For the rest of the day, we pushed our way through the crowds to work out which rides we wanted to go on. The weather was blazing sunshine with little breeze so we had all lathered up with sun screen and were wearing our hats but that didn’t stop us from getting very warm.

Highlights of the first day were the Dumbo aerial ride, which Joanna enjoyed because she was in control of the lever that lifted us up and dropped us down again. Rachel is at the age where she’s allowed ( and wants ) to sit in a Dumbo on her own. That meant I sat in with Joanna and Sam was in a Dumbo on the other side of the ride looking forlorn ūüôā

I’m a coward when it comes to fast, high or loopy rides where you are, potentially, parted from the contents of your stomach in the name of entertainment. This means that Sam gets to go on other rides with Rachel. So it was with the small roller coaster in Mickey’s ToonTown. Joanna and I retreated to the safety of an ice cream and watched. I liked Fantasyland because all the rides were slow and peaceful.

That is, apart from “It’s a Small World”. For the uninitiated, it promises a whimsical boat journey around the world using the medium of song to highlight how each and every child is the same underneath and we’re not as different as you would believe. For those of you that have been on this ride, it’s an incessant, saccharine-filled, torturous, animatronic voyage into Hades with only a looped tune for company that will burn itself into your brain for months, if not years, to come.

Still, it was air-conditioned so that was nice.

We managed to get our photo taken with Mickey and that made Sam’s day just like it did years ago. Does this mean I’ll have to dress up like a 6ft mouse to get her to smile ?

The Disney parade was great and I managed to get some good pictures. Lots of characters, song and dance. Joanna was exceptionally pleased because Goofy shook her hand. Unfortunately, we were too engrossed with the show that we missed it completely and didn’t manage to record it anywhere.

Towards the end of the afternoon, we decided to head back to the hotel for a rest and to let the girls play in the pool. As I said previously, they enjoyed this part the best. Both of them were showing us how they could jump off the side and swim underwater as well as turn somersaults. This pleased me no end. I can now play with them in the pool without having to worry about which one of them is clinging to which arm.

After dinner, we went back to the park to see the fireworks. This happens every day at 9:30pm and is a great light show. Tinkerbell even flies over the top of Sleeping Beauty’s castle. The congregation stops dead in their tracks to watch this and, at the end, half of them work their way to their cars, the other half pushes in the opposite direction to get to the rides again.

Because the park doesn’t close until midnight, people get to queue all over again but this time there’s no sun beating down on them. So, we queued for 45 minutes to get on the Finding Nemo submarine ride and then went home to bed.


O Canada

So, finally, the announcement hit the wires that we were acquired by Xandros, a Canadian company which specialises in an integrated Linux distribution. I’ll leave better people than me to talk about synergies and paradigms but it means the product that I’ve worked with since 1996 continues.

A side-benefit of this is that I get to go to Ottawa for a couple of weeks to train some of the engineers there.

So, I’m writing this from an Ottawa hotel room after having my first experience of US domestic air travel that didn’t leave the best taste in my mouth ūüôĀ

There’s no direct flight from SFO to YOW ( Ottawa ) so I had to change at Detroit.

I was scheduled to fly on Saturday at 12:40pm which was a reasonable time to fly although I wouldn’t land in Ottawa until 10:49pm Eastern. I tried checking in online on Fridy and got a notification that they’d cancelled my flight and rescheduled me. Slight panic ensued as I realised that they’d brought forward my flight by 12 hours which meant that I would need to be at the airport by 10:40pm on Friday. I wasn’t packed ūüôā Not only that but I would have to make 2 stopovers to reach my final destination….I don’t think so !

So, I had to contact the airline to find out what they could do about it. The problem was, the flight was booked through Xandros’ travel agent and he couldn’t do anything other than tell me to contact the airline. I tried the airline’s 1-800 number and got through to a recorded message explaining how their call volume was busy and they couldn’t process my call at that time. Then they hung up.

Because I live so close to the airport, I drove down there and explained the situation to them at the ticketing desk only to be told that they couldn’t do anything about tickets from there and I would have to call their ticketing line. Pause for breath….

Luckily, they had some magic number they could dial and I was connected with a helpful customer service agent who rebooked me on another flight at 7am the next morning but I would be flying to Newark and from there to Ottawa.

The next morning, my taxi arrived at 5:30am and I got to the airport to find that the flight was delayed for 1 hour because the crew got in late and they have to have 8 hours beauty sleep by law. Well…maybe they shouldn’t have stayed out partying for so long :-S

The electronic check-in desk was telling me that they found an alternate route for me if I still caught the SFO to Newark flight, I could then get the Newark flight to Ottawa that would be taking off 3 HOURS BEFORE THE SFO FLIGHT LANDED !!!

Pause for breath….

The ( unsmiling ) woman behind the check-in desk looked at my times and said I would still be able to make the Newark to Ottawa flight because it would be 40 minutes between landing and next take off. So, I got my boarding pass and sat down to wait for the delayed flight to take off.

That flight was pretty uneventful. I dozed off, sandwiched between 2 complete strangers.

We arrived on time but it took 20 minutes longer to taxi and park at gate C90 and I needed to be at gate C130. So, I walked quickly and got to my gate, looked up at the flight display and saw that gate C130 was a flight to Miami.

I had to wait around for another 5 minutes before the drone behind the desk acknowledged that I was standing in her presence. She checked the flight and told me it was delayed for 2 hours.

3 and a half hours later, we finally took off in the smallest plane I’ve been in. Luckily, I was sitting on my own and my bag, which was too big to fit in the overhead lockers ( not because it’s bigger than the allowed standard but because the plane was small and the overhead lockers are not standard size ) got it’s own seat next to me.

The flight was over before I could blink; 1 hour wheels up to wheels down according to the pilot. I sailed through immigration, which was basically: why are you here, where are you staying, who are you working for, and picked up my bags.

I wasn’t able to pick up a rental car from the airport because they were sold out for that day and the hotel shuttles didn’t go to my hotel so I needed to get a taxi. Before I could do that, I needed to get cash from the ATM.

Two machines later, I had enought cash for a taxi. The first one was because I didn’t read that they wouldn’t accept Mastercard. The slogan is usually “For everything else there’s Mastercard”. The fine print reads “except when you need to get cash for a Canadian taxi and it’s late in the evening”.

CAN $ 40 later, I arrived at the hotel. Without a car I couldn’t go exploring for a candy store to get soda and nibbles so I stayed in the hotel bar and got drunk with 2 of the bartenders and their friends. Saturday was a Dave convention because everyone sitting at the bar that evening was called Dave. Yes, really !

As the bar was Irish, I had my regulation 3 Guinness minimum and I was introduced to Boots (?) which is a shot of Sambuca and Jack Daniels. This must be downed in one. I think I’ve found a competitor to Jagermeister.

Ottawa is on the East coast so they are 3 hours ahead of Pacific time. This meant I slept until 10am the next morning (helped along by the alcohol) except for the 2 minutes where I couldn’t find the alarm clock at 6:25am where the previous guest had set it and nobody turned it off. 6:25 is really 3:25am for me so I *really* appreciated that one. Staying asleep until 10am is a luxury. However, if I’m going to attend the office on time *and* have the complimentary continental breakfast from the hotel, I’ve had to set the alarm for 7am (which is really 4am) so I’m going to be a real barrel of laughs.

This week I will be mostly on my own in the evenings but next week more of m’colleagues will be joining me so it’ll be like old times when I used to come out to San Mateo.

I’m sure I can interest them in some Boots.


iPhone Schmi-phone

Did a new phone get released last month ? I can’t say I saw any of the publicity what with all the fanfare and hype that surrounded the emergence of the Apple iPhone.

This caused near-hysteria and stories of lines outside various Apple and Cingular (now the new AT&T) stores.

I admit that I watched the How-To video that Apple released on what the iPhone was capable of and thought for a moment as to whether I was going to have to go to the finance committe (Mrs Ravelox) with a plea for cash.

There’s a number of things that attract me to it. In particular the style-over-substance approach that has been Apple’s trademark for quite a while. It’s a cool accessory to have. For the moment. Until the next thing comes out.

Apple claims to have revolutionised the phone. If there’s one thing that Apple does well, it’s UIs. Using the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle, they win hands down every time but what does the iPhone offer me that I don’t already have ?

For as long as I can remember, I am a hard and fast supporter of “One device, one function”. To this day, I don’t like an MP3 player in my phone. I don’t want to take pictures with my phone ( unless it’s for an insurance claim ). The only concession to this is that I purchased a Treo 680. I had a Dell Axim x50v which I used for contacts and calendaring and came to the realisation that it made little sense to carry a phone and a PDA at the same time.

I already have a 30Gb iPod. It works really well ( aside from the DRM issues ) and is smart and compact. This was an “upgrade” from a 40Gb Creative Zen Xtra that just didn’t have the accessory support any Apple product seems to have.

So the points that stop me from buying this product are:

  1. No current unlocking strategy. I’m European. I’d like to be able to use the phone if I travel back there without the hideous roaming charges. I can’t change the SIM in the iPhone like I can in the Treo.
  2. 8Gb is not enough for an MP3 collection especially if you’re going to be storing photos as well.
  3. No ability to load other applications. There is a burgeoning Palm software market based on the fact that you can do just that on Palm devices.
  4. High price point. The stories at the moment is that it costs $200+ for the hardware components. So, that’s $299 or $399 in software cost recovery ( plus any standard Apple mark-up ). Time will tell, as people use the devices, whether that investment is warranted.

As much as I’d like to have this as the fashion accessory it so obviously is, I don’t see that it trumps anything I have today.

Home Life

The phoenix rises

Forgive me blog-readers, for I have sinned. It’s been 6 months since my last blog entry.

There are some (partially) valid reasons for this and none of them are related to us disappearing off the face of the earth.

I can’t go into detail about what they were but it was related to work and whether we should move back to the UK or not. Developments this month mean that we’re staying for the foreseeable future.

So…what’s been happening outside of work in these six months ?

Well, January saw my birthday come around again. The arrival of another year is always welcome. When that stops happening, I’ll get worried. This year’s festivities was an entertainment-packed weekend. Thursday (birthday proper), Rachel and Joanna paid for me to go to the cinema and see Happy Feet. They bought popcorn and drinks with their savings. This year, unlike last, I stayed awake throughout the whole film. Friday took us bowling in Pacifica and Saturday had the Kelly family ice skating.

The ice skating was more a bonus than anything else. A couple of weeks previously, we were invited to a birthday party at a local rink for one of Rachel’s school friends. The rink had booked the party room from 2:30 to 4:30 and the price included skating for everyone. What the rink had failed to tell the mother was that there was an ice hockey game on the same rink between 2:30 and 4:30. Quite what they expected the children to do in a party room the size of a small cupboard is an explanation I’m waiting to hear. Still, after some heated negotiation, we all got free skating passes and I got to use them for my birthday.

I was quite impressed that I was able to stay on my feet all the way around. It might have had something to do with Rachel and Joanna clinging on to us like limpets and slowing us to a crawl. The only dilemma is what to do in the occurrence of a sudden ice-to-butt event. Do I fall first and catch child next or do I throw child to the ice so that my landing is cushioned ? We’ll leave that question to a game of Scruples.

February is a short month interrupted only by Valentine’s Day. This is another Hallmark holiday overrun by political correctness at school. No child is allowed to send just one card. They have to write out a card for each of their classmates so that nobody is left out. When are they ever going to learn that life is just a series of rejections and you move from one disappointment to the next ? Maybe the reason why you don’t get a card is because you’re ugly and nobody fancies you. (cue blurry dissolve into flashback of school life at Alderman Callow School and Community College)

March was Rachel’s birthday. Because she enjoyed bowling on my birthday, she decided that she wanted a bowling party at the same alley. Enough of her friends turned up to make sure it was fun but there were 553 reasons why we’re not going to be doing that again ! We weren’t allowed to bring our own food and a couple of fruit trays that we ordered ( through the alley ) came to at least 90 of those reasons. I’m not sure where all the other reasons went. Rachel came away with a genuine bowling pin signed by all her friends.

April and May have been a bit of a blur. Work got incredibly busy and World of Warcraft even more so. I’m going to blog separately on my current WoW status so that the uninterested amongst you don’t switch off.

I was trying to work on a couple of audio-visual experiments. The first was to finally complete editing on my father’s birthday experience video. When they visited the UK back in 2004, he made use of the glider voucher we got him for his birthday the previous year. We videotaped the whole thing and the intention was to make a DVD for him to watch. 3 years later and I got the camera working to the extent that I have the files on disk now and I’m playing with a video-editing suite to turn it into something respectable. It’s time-consuming and I’m sick of hearing the Thunderbirds theme tune that I thought was really clever at the time but now it’s driving me crazy.

The second experiment was to turn this blog into a podcast and have my dulcet tones ( along with the rest of the Kelly clan ) coming out of your speakers. I’ve got as far as recording an introduction ūüôā

It’s obvious I have a lot to learn and I need to spend more time on these things. Maybe spending less time on WoW ?

Other significant events this year…

Rachel was one of 5 students in the school to achieve GATE (Gifted And Talented Education) status which means she’s currently going to summer school to keep her mind oiled and working. This status, apparently, sets her up for bigger and better things in the future. I’m hoping that means full scholarship at university ūüôā

Both Rachel and Joanna achieved more swimming distinctions at La Petite Baleen swim school. They both got their next level ribbons and continue on to aquatic glory. They’ve achieved so much since joining the school that they’re confident in the water, although Joanna looks like she’s doing controlled drowning at times. They can also both dive in from a standing position which we would never have seen them do back in the UK.

We’re into the second or third week of the summer holidays here and Sam was going crazy not having a car. So, last week I bought a 1997 Saab 900s convertible with the assistance of those nice people at Addison Avenue. Sam and I both love it but the girls are not sure because they don’t like the roof down. We drove down the freeway at the weekend and they had their heads down and hair flying into their faces.
I guess they’re going to be walking everywhere from now on.


Another year, another blog entry

Something came as a shock to me over the past couple of weeks…

…not everybody likes World of Warcraft !

I know ! It’s hard to get my head around but it turns out that (so-called) normal (or regular, as we Americans say) readers of this blog have not enjoyed hearing tales of derring-do with melted candles and Fleshrippers. So, I may add a postscript of how I’m doing so far (I’m in Dun Morogh trying to get past some level 25 Addled Lepers, seeing as you asked) and switch back to more mundane posts.

Christmas has been and gone. The BBC had an article on their news website at ( explaining that throughout England, it’s illegal to eat a mince pie on December 25th. So, for the past *cough* years, I have been a fugitive from the English law enforcement system. I’m sure there’s a sketch in the making right there.

[INT: Suburban home. Night. Christmas decorations hung everywhere. Festive music playing in the background.
People are standing in groups chatting to each other. All wearing smart casual attire. Some wearing party hats, some wearing reindeer antler headbands.
The host and hostess are moving between the groups offering drinks and mince pies. ]

Switch to

[EXT: Path leading to home. It’s been snowing. A number of footsteps can be heard crunching in the snow. We see the home from a first-person perspective]

Switch to

[INT: Same home. Repeat of scene]

Switch to

[EXT: Closer view of home. Sounds of party coming from inside]

Switch to

[INT: Party is in full swing. The host taps his glass to get everyone’s attention]

¬†HOST:¬†Thanks everyone for coming to our little Christmas soiree. I hope you’re all enjoying yourselves.
¬†¬†Remember there’s plenty of drinks and nibbles if anyone wants them. We’re going to be playing some party games later
  but, in the meantime, eat drink and be merry.

[The party buzz resumes. There is a knock at the door. The chatter dies down and the host looks nervously at his wife. He edges to the door.
He looks through the spy hole.]

Switch to

[EXT: Fish-eye first-person view of man dressed as Father Christmas. It’s obvious he’s a police officer, he’s wearing his flat cap underneath his Santa hat.
Behind is a group of large “elves”, again obviously officers dressed up]

Switch to

[INT: The host turns quickly from the door]

¬†HOST: It’s a raid !

[There is a lot of movement as the party guests start to panic. Some screams. The hostess runs to each group of guests and scoops the mince pies off their
plates into a plastic bag. Someone else is following her around with a tray of jam tarts and chocolate brownies]

[There is another loud knock on the door and a voice from outside]

¬†VOICE: Open up it’s the police !

 HOST: Just a moment ! [Looks towards his wife who nods to show that everything has been collected up]

[The host opens the door and it’s pushed open from outside and in enters large number of “elves” run in each holding truncheons with green tinsel
wrapped around them in a spiral pattern]

[The party scene has changed slightly. The guests are obviously nervous trying not to catch the eye of the “elves”]

[“Father Christmas” starts pacing around the room inspecting people’s plates and looking behind picture frames]

 HOST: Can I help you ?

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: Yes you can, sir. I have reason to believe that there’s been illegal activity on these premises.

¬†HOST: [Flicks his eyes towards his wife and then back to “Father Christmas”] I…I…I don’t know what you mean.

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: [Still pacing the room] We’ve had reports that you’ve been eating [turns to stare the host directly in the face ] mince pies !
  On Christmas Day !

[Guests gasp]

¬†HOST: [Faking horror] No ! We’d never do something like that ! This is a respectable neighbourhood !

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: [sniffing the air] Come on now, sir. You can’t fool me. I know what you suburban types are like. You pretend that you are
  all normal on the outside. A little wave to the neighbours as you get the shopping out of the car. Mowing the lawn on a Sunday morning.
¬†¬†It’s all just a facade. Behind closed doors, you’re just depraved individuals who can’t get enough of that dried fruit and spices.

¬†HOST: No ! That’s not true !

[“Father Christmas” goes into the kitchen]

Switch to

[INT: Kitchen. Large enough to hold a few party guests. There is a selection of beers and wines on one work surface. On another is a spread of traditional
party fare. One plate is conspicuously empty]

[“Father Christmas” looks at the plate and picks up a crumb. He inspects it, crumbling it between his finger and thumb and then putting the powder on his
[He smacks his lips]

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: Shortcrust pastry ! This gets better and better for you. Doesn’t it, sir ?

[An elf has been looking through the kitchen cupboards and calls to “Father Christmas”]

 ELF: Sarge ! You might want to take a look at this !

[“Father Christmas” turns around and looks into the cupboard that the elf has open. He pulls a jar from a shelf.]

Switch to

[INT: Kitchen. A view of the jar. There is a crooked hand-printed label pasted over the original label. It reads “Branston Pickle”]

[“Father Christmas” peels the label to reveal the original which reads “Mincemeat”]
[Kitchen party guests gasp] 

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: Well, well, well ! What’s this ?

¬†HOST: ¬†I’ve never seen that before in my life ! It’s not mine ! [ He looks towards an elderly female party guest ] It’s her’s !
  She asked me to look after it for a while !

[ Female guest looks shocked and disgusted at the attempt to blame her ]

[“Father Christmas” opens the top and sniffs. He recognises the smell. He takes his little finger and dips it into the jar, tasting the contents.]

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: Robertsons, if I’m not mistaken ! Probably fetch…what ? ¬£1.59 on the open market ? [Turns to elf] We’ve got a right little
¬†¬†¬†baker here, Wilkins, wouldn’t you say ?

 WILKINS: Yes, sarge !

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: Take ‘im away ! I know someone that’s going to be spending a long time at her Majesty’s pleasure !

[Wilkins cuffs the host and the host hangs his head in shame as he’s walked out of the house in front of all his guests]

¬†FATHER CHRISTMAS: [ to the other guests ] You people never learn ! You’re all perverts !

[“Father Christmas” walks out]
[Short pause]
[“Father Christmas” walks back in]

 FATHER CHRISTMAS: [ to the other guests ] Oh ! Merry Christmas !

[Fade to black]

World of Warcraft

Tetanus, Gryphons and Rabid Budgies

OK people, let me take a moment to warn you of the dangers of that Rusty Mechanical Harvester Golem that you have in the corner of your garage. Have you stopped to think that this device might be swarming with tetanus bacteria at all ?

Nope, neither did I until I found that if you fight one in the middle of a field, it will give you tetanus without so much as a “Please may I…?”.

The effects are minor and they wear off after about 20 minutes so I’m not sure what the point of it is.

I’m still the warlock and I’ve broken into a double digit level ( 11 ). This brings on a whole heap of new trouble to deal with. I can now summon a void walker which is a purple cloud with a deep voice who seems to complain every time I summon him. He’s useful to send into battle first while I sit on the sidelines and project firebolts at people. He’s not as much fun as Zilnip. The girls and I have both grown attached to Zilnip since we first met him and he’s always good for a laugh. I keep forgetting to take him off aggressive so I’ve managed to lose a number of fights with Defias bandits.

Most of my contact with the bandits has been in the middle of farms for some reason. They must like pumpkins.

I had an interesting series of quests involving two feuding farm families. The little brat of a son from one family had stolen the necklace of the mother from the other family. The lying toad had the gall to deny that he’d done it and told me that he’d seen a Kobold with it. Yes, that’s it, blame the Kobolds again.

I also had to pass love letters between Romeo-and-Juliet-a-like. The denoument of that quest was that I had to collect kelp for an apothecary to create an invisibility potion so that Juliet could go and visit Romeo. I’m staying clear of that farm when her dad finds out she’s expecting the enemy’s child. They should write a play about those two feuding families.

In amongst that, the aunt of the Capulets wanted me to kill a pig. This wasn’t any old pig. She has a Porcine Entourage. If you attack her, her bodyguards lay into you. Even Zilnip couldn’t get me out of that one. Luckily, and this is the wonderous beauty of this game, a couple of other players stuck around until I’d killed the pig and got all the Defias bandanas that I needed.

So, back to Stormwind I went and I got my Void Walker ( Grimmon ). He’s not very talkative and, like I said before, he moans a lot. I might call him Marvin.

Being a higher level allows me to explore West of Goldshire. Previously, I got torn to shreds by the Fleshripper ( read Rabid Budgie ) but now they ignore me unless I stray off the path. However, they seem to delight in attacking me once I try to cross fields. Again, I’ve spent a lot of time dead.

Sentinel Hill is a small outpost in the same region but this one has a Gryphon stop. The Gryphons will fly you to and from Stormwind City for 99 copper pieces.

It’s a bit steep. In my day you could get a Gryphon ride into town, a good meal and a drink and still have change for a new suit of armour out of change from a sixpence.

World of Warcraft

I broke my trousers

I didn’t think it was possible but, according to my display, my trousers are broken. So, it’s off to Gap in Stormwind City. I might pick up a hoodie while I’m there.